In a world that is entangled in judgment, projections, mirrors, and reflections it is easy for our fate/crisis/incident/another person to be our scapegoat.
I sent an email the other day and before doing so, I had to bring myself to awareness of my (own) shit. I work in a high volume, high dollar industry where one tiny mistake costs millions of dollars and I was responding to the ever-lasting question of “how could we have prevented this from happening?”
The body of the email explained in laymen’s terms the “perfect storm” that occurred to cause the error and offered a solution for alerts to alter the outcome of this exact occurrence from happening again. At the end of the email, I was vulnerable, I shared my (own) shit. I wrote, “I am not deflecting blame for this, monitoring … is something we do daily, I’m honestly more embarrassed I didn’t realize the impact”.
It felt like a weight lifted off my back after I hit send. Only to receive multiple flattering and supportive replies (not reply all).
In a world that is entangled in judgment, projections, mirrors, and reflections it is easy for our fate/crisis/incident/another person to be our scapegoat.
What if I told you it’s far more peaceful to hold yourself at the core of all your suffering? Would you believe me? Would you be willing to begin to make changes within yourself for the world will occur differently to you?
This concept is not always easy for us to grasp and trust me, holding myself at the core is an ever-evolving phenomenon for me.
How could I be the problem? They treated me poorly.
I didn’t ask for cancer to attack my body.
This company doesn’t want to pay me what I’m worth.
They made me feel _______________.
etc., etc.
When we extend blame to circumstances outside of ourselves (or our control) we are inherently giving it power. Sure, at the jumpstart, it might alleviate temporary pain by pushing back onto said external circumstance as the reason you aren’t where you want to be, or “things aren’t happening in my favor”.
We are the creators of our realities; we stay stuck because we believe our stuckness is a result of what is in the peripheral that is working against us. With awareness, we can see that everything, and I mean everything, is always working for us. Taking ownership begins and ends with self-awareness; knowing your inner character. Or rather, one’s (own) conscious knowledge of feelings, emotions, and desires.
A recent example that can be easily described and related to: Day Light Savings Time. Be honest with yourself; did you have a moment where you blamed the time change for acting out of character? Were you frustrated that you were tired because you “lost” an hour of sleep? Did you joke with a co-worker, friend, family member, or spouse about despising the time change? If you had it your way, would you get rid of DLS?
If you answered yes, you’re not alone, and the internet will confirm that for you. If you answered no, you’re likely one of a small subset of people with heightened awareness and choose to see how this could work for you.
Why does the time change occur to SO MANY people as a “drag”? Why wasn’t the time change an opportunity for more daylight, creativity, time to do things outside with the kids, a way to get your day started differently?
As long as y(our) suffering is on behalf of someone or something else, it will persist: The longevity of our suffering lives in what is independent of ourselves. If we want peace (of mind, body, and soul) we must gain the self-awareness of our shit. It’s up to us to recognize our flaws, our pain, our suffering, and our shortcomings. Believe me, it sounds good on paper. You’re likely even telling yourself right now, “Meaghan that’s easy for you to type but you have no idea what I’m going through at work right now…”
STOP. Right there, kill that thought. I am no different, better, above, higher, etc. than you. Nor do I have it all figured out, I’m finding new ways to own my shit every day.
There is no way to sugarcoat this: Holding yourself accountable isn’t easy. If it was, I wouldn’t be here, sharing insights of getting out of the blame game: It’s easier to point the finger externally than internally. The caveat to that expediency is a life sentence of being controlled by the outer forces of the Universe rather than a life of fulfillment and peace. You choose.
Okay, here’s some insight I’ll leave with; when you are noticing a complaint coming on, or in the midst of it, or hindsight here are some powerful questions to ask yourself.
– What am I feeling at this moment? Truly feeling.
– Where (part of my lifetime) have I experienced this feeling before? See if you can bring
yourself back to the first time you felt this.
– How is this occurring to me?
– Is there a part of this judgment that has to do with me and not ______?
My mom’s version of “sticks and stones” was a rhetorical question which she asked and answered: “If so and so told you to jump off a bridge, would you? Nobody can make you do or feel anything, dear.” When said like this, the veracity of giving someone/thing other than yourself power is obvious.
Shift the perspective of your complaints or judgments by perceiving them as avenues to self-awareness. Think about it; every moment you are deciding what to magnify or minimize. We can magnify more blessings, what we want our realities to look like when we take ownership of your shit.
How will you reclaim power by taking ownershit this week?