Our Words Are Powerful
I saw a shooting star the other morning on my way to the gym, my knee-jerk reaction was to make a wish! When I began to wish for the thing I’ve always wished for, it occurred to me that this wish was likely giving life (subconsciously) to my depression. The saying, “becareful what you wish for” had ever felt so real before.
Let me rewind, come back to 12-year-old Meaghan with me for a moment.
When I was 12, I was diagnosed with melancholy depression. I distinctly remember the “diagnosis” talk; the doctor met privately (and separate from me) with my mom in a secondary room and to this day, I have no insight into that conversation. When they re-entered the room, Dr. Duncan proceeded to share with me that I have “melancholy depression” and he doesn’t want me to think about it or what that means, I was to just, “take the stupid pills and forget about it”. The pills were, serotonin reuptake inhibitors (sertraline) and a tricyclic antidepressant (amitriptyline).
So what did I do? I took the stupid pills and forgot about it. Honestly, I don’t recall hopping on the computer and searching them, or asking questions about what any of it meant. I just rolled with it; I started seeing a counselor at 14, I guess the stupid pills weren’t enough.
All I knew about depression was what I saw; my father would have “bad days” and my neighbor exuded very high highs and very low lows: We would go months without seeing her, I was, however, the special one. She’d let me in her bedroom and brush her hair, I was allowed in her presence when she was in her darkest stages. It all makes sense now, she understood me.
Okay… so my shooting star.
My instinctive, default rather, wish has always been for happiness.
I vividly remember being at my friends house, we were in the kitchen eating fruit roll-ups, and it was 11:11. Someone shouted out, “11:11, make a wish!” I expressed that I didn’t have anything to wish for, there wasn’t anything I truly desired. My friend shared with me a conversation she had with her dad, and the outcome of that conversation shaped her wish, “I wish to be happy”. Her fathers view was if you’re happy then you don’t need anything else. POV of the father: he was in remission, and essentially has been in remission our entire lives. He’s been battling multiple myeloma for more than 20 years.
Well, to a melancholic 13-year-old, wishing for happiness simply seemed like the absolute best thing to do!
It wasn’t until a few-days-o’clock did that I noticed this entire time, I was unintentionally feeding my depression by wishing for happiness as if I didn’t already possess it: Like happiness was something to yearn for! It was NEVER “oh I’m sad, let me wish for happiness”, it was merely something that clicked for me so I stuck with it, blind to the power of the subconscious. Weirdly, it reimbursed the idea that happiness was outside of us vs something we already possessed.
In the Universes’ perfect timing, this shooting star came and went just as quickly as my fleeting thoughts do, only this thought, stuck.
I realized that I needed to switch up the verbiage of what I am asking for when wishing upon a star. It was a brief, definitive moment where all of this occurred and I made the conscious decision to come up with my own wish: One that was formulated in power, self-belief, and faith. My wish was as follows: “I ask to receive everything I deserve”
11:11 hit today, I chuckled as I began to wish for happiness, I pulled myself out of that mindset and remembered the shift I had yesterday morning and wished (out loud) to receive everything I deserve.
I share all this to say: our words are powerful. My girlfriend reminds me of this ALL THE TIME. And I so appreciate her and am grateful for the perspective constantly she brings.
Shifting our perspective isn’t possible without awareness, we must begin somewhere, though. Be an observer of your thoughts this week; see if there’s an opportunity to shift !